


A Miscarriage of Destiny

by rinskiroo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: F/M, Gen, Mind Games, SWTOR, Some Fluff, Some recovery, Suicide mention, The Force, chapter 12, doing things out of spite, kotfe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 00:11:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11885811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinskiroo/pseuds/rinskiroo
Summary: In the forests of Odessen, after a confrontation with Valkorion, Jas finds two old acquaintances.  What they have to offer her is not what she wants to hear.A retelling of Chapter 12 of KOTFE where the Outlander meets Satele Shan and Darth Marr on Odessen.  With some Theron/Jas fluff at the end.





	A Miscarriage of Destiny

The Alliance Commander, that’s what they called her.  It was just a title.  Jas barely commanded anyone’s attention these days.  Lana, Senya, Koth would all cast a subtle glance her way, but Theron kept them in line; protected her from what she couldn’t handle.  They had learned not to expect anything out of her.  

And that was fine.

They were all in the command center, again, discussing strategy and whatever else plagued the Alliance.  She wasn’t interested, not really.  She was listless and bored and lonely.  She also knew that it drove Vitiate into a fury when she laid about and didn’t contribute to the cause of taking down Arcann.  That seemed to be a good a reason as any to keep on living--out of pure spite.

She hopped up onto a crate and picked at the dirt under her nails as the group discussed their latest mission.  Something with the citadel on Zakuul.  It was a great spire and some computer core was buried underground.  They wanted to go after it--take it over or destroy it.  There seemed to be a debate of which choice was beneficial and which was actually doable.  Kaliyo and Jorgan were both ready to go, but Senya and Koth _hated_ Kaliyo.  And not without reason.  Lana thought Kaliyo brought up some good points.

The bickering continued.

“I thought this was an Alliance?”  Every voice in the command center fell silent.  They all turned and stared at Jas.  Theron had started to smile, like he was proud, but making an observation didn’t mean she was contributing.  “Both sides coming together?  Team effort?”

“We could use a diversion,”  Theron offered.  She had overheard what their endgame was--clear out a path and then send her in to finish the job.  She had fought her way well enough out of Zakuul and Asylum; she’d followed Theron on a few recruiting missions when he thought she could help.  But head into the heart of Zakuul, lightsaber blazing?  Hard pass.

Wait, were they actually looking at her to make a decision?  Yeah, she was never opening her big mouth again.  Apparently sarcastic scrutiny was on the same level as volunteering.  She’d remember that for next time.

“Havoc Squad,”  Jas said as she looked up at the projection of Aric Jorgan.  “Take the whole thing out.”

“Without me there to slice that relay station, Major Malfunction’s suicide run will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Give me a chance.”

“I thought I was Commander of this Alliance?”  Her voice was harsh as she turned her head from Jorgan’s visage to Kaliyo.  For the second time in a matter of minutes, her voice had silenced everyone in the room.  “Do as you’re told!”

The silence was short-lived.  As soon as the transmission ended, Senya and Koth were already swearing their vengeance if Kaliyo’s antics got people killed.  Theron was next to her and he reached for her elbow, but she shook him off and stepped away from the console.  It was a mistake to get involved, now they’d expect more from her.  More than she could give.

“You can’t please everyone,”  Lana said, coming up to her after a moment.  Whether she meant the mission at hand, or just in general, Jas wasn’t sure.  “But it may be prudent to consult Valkorion.  He built the Spire.  He may tell you how to invade it.”

“Are you out of your mind?!”  Jas snapped back at her, the shock clear on her face.  “He’s not this faucet of enemy secrets I can just turn on and off!  He’s a parasite!”

Again, Theron was at her side, but her hands flailed around before anyone could touch her and tell her to calm down.  And they called her mad--Lana was the one telling her to take suggestions from a genocidal monster.

“What the hell are you thinking suggesting that?”  She heard Theron ask as she turned around and walked away.  He called after her, but she wasn’t going back.  Enough of them.  Enough of this place.  Her ship was in the opposite direction--if she wanted to leave the planet, she’d have to turn around and stomp angrily past them.  Instead, she headed down the ramp, out of the base, and into Odessen’s forest.

_Did you want to talk then, Jedi?  Talking’s all your failed Council did._

That horrid voice was in her head taking Lana’s suggestion and taunting her with it.

_You took my power and now you come for my secrets._

“I don’t want it!”  she screamed into the trees, sending birds fluttering away.  “I don’t want anything you have!”

An arc of lightning that seemed to come from nowhere struck her in the shoulder and sent her the ground with a yelp of pain.  Vitiate hadn’t outgrown the violent reminders of his power.

_You have trifled with my patience for the last time._

The tainted energy surrounded her.  It vibrated in her bones and set her skin on fire.  However, the physical pain never quite measured up to the mental anguish.  The fact that she was carrying this thing around with her everywhere she went caused more agony that he could inflict on her body.

When she woke up, she wasn’t where she had been before.  The forest surrounded her on all sides with the high, thick trees and the rocky, uplifted plateaus.  She could hear the rippling of running water nearby--a shallow stream cutting a winding path through the dirt and rock.  She cupped her hands for a cool drink and splashed some water on her face before trying to get her bearings.  There were no buildings that she could see, and no shuttles in the air.  She didn’t bring a comm, having purposely left it behind to not have to talk to anyone while she tried to clear her head.  If she was gone for too long, Jas was sure Theron would come find her anyway.  He had a knack for that.

_You have forgotten what it means to face death alone.  I will remind you._

Jas groaned and picked up a rock and threw it as far as she could.  “I’d love it if I could face death _alone_ , asshole!”  As if he hadn’t been a party to all of the times she’d almost died and he’d been the one keeping her tethered to this life.

_A path has been laid before you, but you refuse to tread upon it.  That will change._

_Can you sense the predators closing in?  They smell your weakness.  They would feast on it._

She could sense them.  Aggressive beasts with the unique ability to hide themselves from view and then sneak up on their prey.  Her ears picked them up next, rustling in the brush, getting closer.  If she could center her thoughts, calm her emotions, remain peaceful and non-threatening, the beasts would let her be.  Several deep breaths and her shoulders lowered as the tension dropped.  She would still need to move--try to find her way back to the base.

She kept her thoughts open.  The ribbons of energy wrapped around her reached out into the forest to keep tabs on the beasts she could feel.  She kept her steps as far as possible from the aggressive ones; carefully climbing rocks and dipping back into the stream to try confuse any creatures that came sniffing.

_You have a destiny to fulfill.  I am tired of being disappointed by your lack of progress._

“Yeah, well, get in line.  The one for failed destinies starts on Tython.  Disappointment line probably starts there, too.”  With a grunt, she pulled herself up another level of the step-like rocks, hoping to see above the canopy of trees.  Still, no sign of any buildings or other sentient beings.  Jas wondered if perhaps this was all just a dream, if she was still lying unconscious on the ground somewhere.  It didn’t feel like a dream, but with Vitiate in her mind, it was sometimes hard to tell the difference between visions and reality.

_The galaxy is finally united under a single banner.  It should have been yours._

“Subjugation isn’t unity.”  But it was no use arguing with him.  He just spouted his pompous word soup at her endlessly.  And he was so back and forth even in his own manipulations--one moment promising her the galaxy and the next threatening to kill her.  No doubt his mood swings were contributing to her madness.  “You keep ignoring that I don’t want to lead a junior scout troop, let alone an army or an empire.  At least Theron and Lana had the decency to quit asking.”

_My son struck a killing blow against you.  Had I not interfered, you would be dead.  Perhaps I should have let you go then._

“Look at that, we agree on something.  Alert the HoloNet.”  She climbed back down the other side and found an almost-path through the woods.  Another stop at the stream for a drink and a rest against a large rock.  Sometimes, she got a hint of emotion from Vitiate, when he was particularly upset with her.  She was getting those flashes of irritation and that lifted her mood ever so slightly.

_Despite your precious warship, a legion of allies, and my immense power at your disposal, you remain… incomplete.  The Force is with you, Jedi, but it will not defeat my son.  It never could.  Until you embrace your full potential, you will only be a pawn of fate.  Never its master._

Her boot dug into the dirt as she pushed off the rock.  This is exactly what she had hoped for today.  Lost in the woods with long, rambling lectures from the monster in her head about what a huge failure she was.  “I stopped caring about whether or not I was an architect or a pawn.  That’s your fault, if you remember.  You used me as your entertainment for five years and it sort of sapped my ability to give a shit.  I don’t care about whatever path you or anyone else wants me to walk.  I make my own way.”

 _Pathetic.  You have two destinies,_ Outlander. _In one, you defeat Arcann, claim the Eternal Throne, and remake the galaxy.  In the other, you die alone, unmourned, and forgotten.  I brought you here to taste that defeat._

The voice was no longer just a voice.  Somehow, he had spawned a physical form.  He looked like the same old man he had been on Zakuul, complete in his Emperor’s regalia.  The yellow blade erupted from her hand and she blocked the first bolt he threw her way.  Adrenalin flooded her system as it was the first real fight she’d had in--she could barely even remember.

It was an old dance, the one she had with her weapon.  She knew its every hum and vibration, every scratch on the hilt.  She blocked again and leapt out of the way as he tossed a boulder her direction.  In a few minutes, she was breathing heavy and sweating, but he hardly looked fazed by the exertion.  Did ghosts even exert?  A tree branch came at her from behind and she didn’t move quickly enough.  It slammed into her back and knocked her to the ground.

“Pitiful.  Why did I ever believe you could change anything?”

“Not my problem,”  she groaned and slowly got back up to her feet.

Again, she was too slow.  The blade didn’t block the purple arc of lightning and her body convulsed and fell to the ground again.  He hit her again and again until she was writhing and frothing in the dirt.

“This was a fraction of the pain my children can inflict.”  The assault had stopped, but her body was still shaking on the ground as he took slow steps towards her.  “If you do not finish your training--become something greater--you will feel the full weight of their rage.”

Jas rolled over to spit onto the ground, but she couldn’t lift her face up high enough and ended up with a mouthful of dirt.  “I am not a Padawan,”  she ground out through her aching jaw.  “I am a Jedi Master.”

He crouched down next to her.  Close enough to reach out and grab, if only her limbs would move the way she wanted them to.  Even the Force seemed to have fled from the attack and she found no aid from it.

“You do not perceive the path ahead, even when it is obvious.  Let that be your first lesson.”  He sounded almost… fatherly.  Like he really was trying to impart some great knowledge.  He reached out a hand and just brushed over one of her lekku.  She tried to flinch away; tried to scream, but couldn’t.  “I cannot stay to protect you any longer.  There are matters I must attend, but I will leave you with a final token of my favor.”

His “favor” was another flood of foul energy coursing through her bones.  Funny how his favor was also the same flavor as his punishments.

“Fulfill your destiny, and I promise to return.”

“So if I just lay here and die, you will stay gone?”  She wasn’t even sure if the words had even made it out of her mouth, or if she’d just thought them really loudly.

“I hope this is not the end of our journey--and one day, so will you.”

  


 

Jas woke up with a start--her arms lashed out and hit only the wall next to her.  She was in a bed, on a ship.  With a few deep breaths, she settled her racing pulse and tried to take stock of what had happened.  Her muscles and bones still ached, but at least she could move now.  Her lightsaber was still secured to her belt, though she hadn’t remembered picking it back up.  The room she was in was empty.  There was the hum of power: lights were on, air was moving, but the ship itself was stationary.  Likely still on Odessen--she hoped.

Exiting the room, the open area that lead off to the different parts of the ship was also empty.  She spotted a few things that might give a clue as to who her rescuer had been--a set of armor that looked like it may have belonged to a Jedi and datapads with the recordings of Jedi Masters on them.  On the bridge--also empty--she tried to look up the navigation logs to find out where the ship had been or what it’s port of origin was, but all entries had been erased.

Jas paused on the way back out of the bridge.  A small object had caught her eye only just.  It was a piece of jewelry--a locket.  Simple with no embellishments, it had been rubbed smooth on one side as if its bearer had held it often.  She picked it up and opened it.  A small gasp escaped as she recognized the young man in the tiny projection.

And stars was he young.  Skinny, with his hair shaggy and falling into his eyes, and before the cybernetic implants.  Jas realized she had no idea how much time had passed.  It had been at least several hours, it could have been days.  She turned and found the comm button on the main console.

“Theron, are you there?  I think I’m still on Odessen, and I think someone else is--Theron?  Damnit.”  She hit different buttons, but that did nothing to fix the signal.  After another useless slap to the console, she shoved the locket into her pocket and headed towards the exit.

Outside the ship, someone had set up their own homely, little camp.  There was a workbench, library, campfire with a pot of familiar smelling stew, and even a meditation circle.  A quick glance at the datapads in the small library raised Jas’ eyebrows as well as her interest.  There weren’t just Jedi stories and teachings, but Sith as well.  There was even one with information and the lore of Zakuul.  Someone was a quite well-read hermit.

Jas knelt down in the meditation circle and rubbed her hands across the stones.  She rested back on her heels and folded her hands in her lap.  With her head bent, she took long, slow breaths, and let the weight of her physical being fall away until her spirit had opened to the living Force.

Odessen was a different sort of planet.  She had known it since she came here, but was never able to quite put a finger on it.  In that moment, it felt like walking on a tightrope over a ravine.  The part that made it strange was that there was no fear of falling.

There was an animal on her rope.  Small and brown with a flat tail and round, fuzzy ears.  Jas crouched down and extended her hand to the critter.  It sniffed and twitched its nose at her.  It was an adorable curiosity.  Despite everything else--all of the struggles and the madness in her head--Odessen continued to inspire wonder in her.

“I’ve waited for you a long time… _Outlander_.”

The ravine and the tightrope faded away, along with the small animal.  Her eyes opened to the meditation circle--and Grand Master Satele Shan.

The Jedi… she had been told they were all but gone.  Their Order had put up the best fight they could to protect the Republic, but it hadn’t been enough.  Those who hadn’t been killed had scattered to the stars.  Jas had tried to return to Tython--had nearly fought Lana and stolen a shuttle to get there--but there was nothing left.  No Temple.  No training grounds.  No Twi’lek village she had helped save.  Jas had grown up in the Order, around all different sorts of beings.  The refugee village on Tython had welcomed her like a sister, and despite the events that had unfolded, she still held them close to her heart.

She had screamed at Lana for not telling her everything.  For skirting around the details with blanket statements about Zakuul and the Republic.  Theron had held her as she cried.  He apologized over and over that he couldn’t save them--as if he alone could have done anything to stop what had happened.

Jas took a breath and swallowed back the emotions that Satele and thoughts of Tython had dredged up and got to her feet.  “Is this what Vitiate meant when he was prattling on about ‘finishing my training’?”

“You’re asking the wrong person.”  She hummed quietly to herself and walked over to where the pot was sitting on the fire.

She looked older than what Jas remembered, but then, everyone was older.  She had missed five years.  Satele looked older than just five years, though.

“Yes, I’m going to offer a meal.  Stop rushing me.”

Jas’ brow quirked up slightly.  Apparently, she wasn’t the only one who had gone slightly mad.

“You survived an ordeal.  Come, sit.  There’s food.”

“Are you...okay?”

“I don’t know.  Are you?”

Jas frowned and took the offered bowl.  She studied the older woman for a moment.  Clearly, neither one of them were “okay.”  Other than that they were both breathing and standing upright, they were both were dealing with a second voice in their Jedi heads.

“Many things changed while you slept in carbonite.  I--I tried.  But I failed, again and again.”  Satele took her bowl and sat on a large rock.  She turned slightly away from Jas and gazed out at the mountains beyond.  Sometimes she nodded or shook her head, but they ate in silence for several moments.

“You look pretty settled in, Master.  You’ve been here awhile, haven’t you?”

Satele glanced back at her, her lips moving back and forth as she chewed and thought.  “When the Republic surrendered, I gave myself fully to the will of the Force.  I left the Core and found this planet.  We’ve been here for years.  Waiting.”

Jas’ teeth clenched together and she had to fight back the bit of fire in her belly.  She set her only half-eaten bowl of soup on the ground before it shattered in her fingers.  Anger had never really been a problem before.  She could usually think her way out of such a strong emotion, but when it came to Theron…  Perhaps it should have been a sign that her attachment to him was already too strong.

“Waiting for me?”  she asked.  “I’ve been here for weeks.  Certainly you weren’t waiting for Theron.  He’s been here years building this Alliance.”  She actually wasn’t sure how long Theron had been on Odessen or what exactly he had been doing the entire time, but she did know that the Alliance was a huge undertaking and he had a large part in its creation.

“Our journey wasn’t about you, or Theron.  We felt your awakening, and our old enemy guiding you.  We watched your victories, and your defeats.  When we found you in that clearing, we faced a choice.  Bring you here… or end you there.”  There seemed to be no emotion coming from Satele.  She was simply reciting the events as they had happened with no obvious opinion either way.

“If you’ve been here, watching, then you know I’ve tried to end myself.  Theron stopped me.  I don’t think your son would appreciate it if you killed me.”

“We didn’t save you to spare Theron’s feelings.”

“Yeah, you haven’t done much to spare his feelings.”

The bitter remark did not draw the desired response.  Jas wondered if it was the stoicism, the madness, or if she truly didn’t give any thought to her son.  They had seemed cordial on Yavin, but what had happened on Ziost had likely driven the wedge back in between them.  Jas had selfishly never talked about it with him.  She didn’t want to be in a position where she would have to take a side.  It seemed her attachment to him had been influencing her judgement for longer than she realized.

“We felt something we’d lost for a long time: hope.  Valkorion strengthened your bond to the Force.  You may be the greatest of us all, but your old training couldn’t prepare you for what’s to come.”

It was something she had been told since childhood: her strong bond with the Force, her potential.  It had stroked her naive ego and nurtured an overconfident student.  It had made a young Knight think she was invincible.  She had slowly learned to ignore talk of her potential and her destiny.

“I had a pretty good Master.”  Jas was not still that naive girl and didn’t think that she had learned everything there was to know about the Force, but she wasn’t convinced there was anything Satele Shan, who had just admitted to failing over and over, could teach her.

“There is no greater challenge than to change from within, but that is what we all must do to survive.  The most powerful among us couldn’t stand against the endless legions of Zakuul.  I watched Jedi sacrifice themselves to delay inevitable defeat.  We will not let you meet their fate.”

It was a hard logic to fight.  Their greatest warriors and scholars couldn’t stand against Zakuul, even with the backing of the Republic’s military.  Their Temples had fallen, their people dead or in exile.  Perhaps something more was needed.  Reluctantly, Jas agreed to at least listen.  They sat and talked about the Force, Jas scanned a few of the texts that Satele had, and they meditated.

“You’ve felt it haven’t you?”  Satele asked her.  “On Odessen, light and dark exist in perfect balance.  Zakuul is the same.  They view the Force quite differently from us.  Jedi approach the Force as a companion, and the Sith try to enslave it.  But Arcann’s Knights believe the Force is their reward for serving an ideal.”

Jas let out a huff of air as she sat and listened to Satele’s lecture.  That was the only way she could think of it: Satele was a Jedi Master trying to impart a lesson.  She explained how she had traveled to Zakuul, watched their citizens, learned their lore, and even talked to a few Knights.  When she had been discovered, she barely escaped with her life.  Still, Jas sat and listened, even if she was resistant to the idea of the Force being some sort of transaction.

“They swear their lives to the Eternal Emperor.  The more they honor him and his commands, the greater their power.  They obey without hesitation and sacrifice everything for his triumph.  Devotion makes them strong--you must become stronger.”

“That is not our way.”  Jas’ eyes cut up towards Satele, barely holding back her glare.  There was something in the tenor and measure of her voice--it was as if her memory was telling her that this wasn’t what the Grand Master had sounded like.  This wasn’t her voice.  “I am a Jedi.  You speak like he does--the monster.”

“We are nothing like that man.”  A new voice sliced through the air.  Cold, but familiar.

Jas let out a gasp as the apparition appeared next to Satele.  Still in all the armor he had died in.  “Darth Marr.”

“He destroyed my flesh, but not my reason for being.”  The ghost drifted around the small camp; stepping like he was walking, but still sort of hovering.  He watched Jas for a moment, but his glance always turned back towards Satele.  “After my defeat, I sought an ally to make things right.  We met on this world.  We argued, explored, and found an understanding.  We will pass that knowledge to you.”

There was something uncomfortable, and weird, about the situation.  There were several confused thoughts zipping through her consciousness, one of the main ones was debating if she was going to tell Theron she thought his estranged mother was dating a dead Sith.

“All of this is super interesting, but I don’t trust either one of you.”  Strange, romantic vibes aside, the idea that Satele had pivoted on thousands of years of Jedi teaching made her stomach turn.  And she could almost see the look of disdain on Lana’s face if Jas told her Marr had gone soft.

“If our roles were reversed, I’d feel the same doubt,”  Satele said with a nod.  “But you already take the counsel of a Sith.  You have Voss training young Force users and you listen to her visions.  And I know that you are in love--that logic and duty are no longer the only hands guiding your decisions.”

“Most in our Order would see all of those things as mistakes.  That I am failing and putting everyone at risk.”

“No one is more surprised than I am to be here, in this moment.  I trust the will of the Force.”

Did Jas trust what the Force wanted?  She thought she did, she knew that she used to.  Lately, she felt manipulated.  Rather than accompanying the Force along the journey and making the slight course corrections to fulfill its guidance, she felt shoved and man-handled.  This wasn’t the direction she wanted to go, but she couldn’t see a way out.  Well, she did see the way, but she couldn’t do that to Theron.

“We do not offer empty platitudes,”  Darth Marr spoke again.  “We do not promise easy victory.”

“All we ask is that you listen with an open mind and learn from our failures.”  Satele stood and began rumaging around the camp.

“To forge the future, you must first break with the past.  Victory over Arcann requires new perspectives, and a new weapon.”

While Marr was speaking, Satele found what she was looking for and handed Jas a small sack.  Inside was a jumble of various components and Jas was unsure what to make of all of it.

“Arcann won’t be conquered through passion, or righteousness.  He has emptied himself of weaknesses like sentiment and morality.”

At Darth Marr’s words, Jas raised a brow at Satele, because that definitely sounded like something a Sith would say--and definitely something that she did not agree with.  She would never let go of the things that were of the Light: goodness, empathy, compassion, the desire to save and protect those who could not help themselves.

“It will not be enough to defeat Arcann,”  Satele told her as if in response to her thoughts.  “His Eternal Throne and the fleet it commands are the greatest threats our galaxy has ever faced.”

“Okay.  I’ll try it your way.”  With a resigned sigh, Jas slung the sack over her shoulder.  She gave the odd pair of them one last glance before she headed back into the forest.

“Follow the will of the Force,”  Satele called after her.  It was less of a call, and more of a whisper in her thoughts.

Again, she reached out and let the Force guide her through the wilderness.  She avoided the aggressive beasts and found the pull towards a specific place.  Back over the stream, up the stepped rocks until she found a cave.

“Oh.”  Jas pulled the sack off her shoulder and glanced in it again, and then back out at the numerous crystals growing in the cave.  She unhooked the lightsaber from her belt: scratched and worn, the same blade she had built on Tython.  Its core was a yellow kyber crystal--the traditional color for those tasked with defending the Jedi Order.  At her own core, that was who she was.  But there was no longer an Order to defend.

As she carefully removed one of the crystals from the cave wall, she could hear Darth Marr’s voice return.

_The Sith Code teaches us to break our chains, but freedom is not your ultimate goal.  You must anchor yourself to power._

A shiver ran up her spine at the words.  Words drenched in a darkness.  Words that she had heard before.  Words she found that she did not like.

_When Arcann lies defeated, your destiny is to take the Eternal Throne.  Any other path will lead only into chaos._

The items in her hands dropped to the ground as she stood.  Her lightsaber was in her hand and it ignited as she whipped around to face the voice.  “NO.  I know you are here, Vitiate!  I know that these are your words!  I will not play your game!”  But there was no one there--no apparition of either Marr or her nemesis.  With eyes still searching for the threat, she gathered the items back up and delved deeper into the cave.

_The Force is in motion, and we must follow.  The old ways aren’t enough.  We’ll show you the new way._

Saber still humming in her hand, Jas shook her head at Satele’s words.  They weren’t her words.  “If your new way is what he wants, then I want no part in it.”

_In life, I dismissed the Jedi Code.  I was wrong.  There is no death.  There is only the Force.  And it has a plan._

The cave opened up from the passageway, narrow with the jagged, glowing crystals, into a large, open area.  Beyond the open cavern, was another tunnel leading somewhere else.  Light from her saber glinted off the crystals illuminating the dark cave.  And the person who was apparently waiting for her.

“Tick tock, Outlander.”  Jas didn’t need to see Vaylin’s face to know there was a malevolent smile growing on it.  Arcann’s sister was just as cruel as him, but she was wild and consumed with her power.  She tortured for sport, or because she didn’t like odd numbers.  There was no control, just violence on a whim.  “Tell me, do you believe in the future?”

Again, the sack of parts hit the ground and the saber came up in front of her, ready.  “I used to.”

Jas lept at Vaylin, her saber slicing downwards as she landed.  But the younger woman easily moved out of the way.  Vaylin cast out bolts of purple energy and tried to use the Force to throw Jas around, but she resisted.  Jas deflected the attacks that came her way and defied Vaylin’s destructive power.  However, they were evenly matched.  Just as Vaylin could not strike a blow, neither could Jas.

Until one opening.

Jas swung around and cut a wide arc across her.  Her saber should have bit right through Vaylin’s middle, but she vanished.  Breathing hard, Jas went down to one knee and the saber deactivated.  The light dimmed, but didn’t go out.  There was a large flat stone that perhaps was once used as a table or alter.  Next to it was a glowing brazier, already lit.

Vaylin wasn’t a ghost like Marr, but a vision.  A warning.

“A bond to the Force as intense as yours bring with it powerful insight.”  Satele helped her back to her feet.  How she had managed to get into the cave without Jas noticing, she wasn’t sure.

“Behind Arcann stands Vaylin, I know.”

“And there are others behind Vaylin,”  Marr spoke again--revealing he was still hanging around as well.  “The weapon you wield was built for a different war.  A different enemy.  It no longer serves you.  It must change, as you have.”

Swallowing, Jas looked down at the object in her fingers.  It was as much a part of her as her fingers and toes.  Was it nostalgia and sentiment that made her hold onto such an object so tightly?  The idea of forging a new saber was honestly ridiculous--she didn’t need a new weapon.   _This_ was her weapon.  But she wasn’t that Padawan anymore.

“You will create a pure extension of the Force’s will--one you alone control.”  As Marr was speaking, Satele was leading Jas towards the stone table.  The contents of the bag spilled out onto it, along with the crystal she had pulled from the cave wall.  “With it, you can unite a thousand stars.”

It had been so many years since she had constructed a saber.  But it wasn’t about the technical specifications or understanding electronics--the Force guided her hands.  Each part fit together like the notes to a song.  There was an order, a rhythm.  The crystal hovered above the nearly completed device.  She stared at it, wanting guidance.  It was meant to be the core--the generator of the saber’s power.  In her hands it would be infused with the energy of the Force and she would guide it.

She would guide it.

The Force would guide her.

Who guided the Force?

Behind her, Satele spoke,  “We offer to add our strength to yours, but you must be the guiding hand.”

As the crystal lowered into the chamber, words and feelings erupted in her mind.  Resilience: recovering quickly from difficulty, elasticity.  Transcendence: beyond the range of normalcy, exceptional.  Sacrifice: to give up something of value for others.  They wanted her to transcend what she was now.  She would have to be resilient, because there would be sacrifices made.

A click and a snap and the last panel fitted into place.  Jas held the new blade in her hands.  New.  Fresh.  Foreign.

“That blade is a part of you now.  The next time you face Arcann in battle, he will not be ready for you.”  There was a hint of something almost sinister in Darth Marr’s voice.  Whether it was his hatred of Arcann, Jas wasn’t sure.

“Violence can only destroy,”  Satele said, perhaps trying to temper Marr’s aggression.  “It doesn’t inspire others to greatness, and it can never rebuild.  Only a leader can do that.”

“I am not a leader,”  Jas said quietly, still staring at the new weapon.  “Perhaps I was.  Perhaps that memory still inspires them, but I’m not that person anymore.”

“I thought it enough to be the unstoppable force between my people and the enemy.  I faced the Emperor and refused to bend.  That choice broke me--and doomed the worlds I fought to defend.”

“I sent the Jedi to fight an enemy I didn’t understand, because I believed in the justness of my cause.  Those deaths still haunt me.  We all know what it means to fail those who counted on us.”

Jas grew angry at their responses.  She knew what her failings were, and all of them had to do with the unwelcomed guest in her mind.  Satele and Marr--if they were even real--didn’t have such a burden.  All they had was their guilt.

“Oh boo-fucking-hoo.”  The saber clutched in her hand, she turned to face them.  “Marr--would you really bend to Vitiate?  The monster?  Planet killer?   _Traitor_ ?  And Satele, would you really have the Jedi abandon the Republic in its most desperate hour?  No.  You both would make the same choices again, because they were the _right ones_.”

“Your brief time as the Supreme Commander of the Jedi on Corellia tested you, and exposed your limitations.”

“Leading this Alliance is unlike anything you have done before.  Directing the war effort is a mere fraction of the burden you must bear.”

They had no idea of the burden she bore.

“Your final lesson waits beyond this cave.”  Satele stepped to the side and nodded towards the tunnel opposite the one she had come in on.

Jas pushed past them in a huff.  She was tired of this--tired of their lessons, their lectures, their whining.  Again, she was being asked to shoulder the entire responsibility.  To be an extension of the “Will of the Force,” to face down an enemy even the strongest in the galaxy had fallen to--but it wasn’t just that.  They were asking her to fundamentally change.  To alter her thinking away from what she had believed her whole life.  She didn’t think it was possible and more than that, she still didn’t trust Satele and Marr’s motivations.  Jas didn’t even trust that this was really happening--just more of Vitiate’s manipulations.

 _Forget what your old masters taught you._  Darth Marr’s disembodied voice followed her through the cave.

She’d never forget Master Orgus or the things he taught her.  She had slipped away once, but he found her on Rishi and reminded her what it was to be a Jedi.

_The Force is not an ally, slave, or transaction.  It is a paradox._

“The Force _is_ my ally,”  she retorted as she pushed away rocks that had fallen into the path.  “It has been my companion my entire life.  I heed its warnings and its lessons.  I use what the Force has given me to protect and defend.”

_It empowers and imprisons.  It destroys and unites.  It binds the galaxy together and tears people apart._

“ _No_ .”  That was not what she knew, not what she had felt, not what she understood down in the very center of her being.  “ _People_ imprison.   _Peopl_ e destroy.  I will not bend to your manipulations, Vitiate!  I know that it’s you!”

_It has a will… but needs a Commander._

Jas burst out of the cave into a clearing of brilliant sunlight.  Her eyes cast downward at the sudden brightness.  She had been so intent on leaving the pair of them behind, that she had lost her focus.  A great horned creature leapt out at her--likely surprised as she came running out of the cave.  Its razor teeth tore at her clothing, but missed piercing skin.

She still had the newly crafter saber in her hand and when she ignited the blade, it erupted through the beast, killing it instantly.  There was time to defend herself before the second one attacked--she had felt that one’s aggression and heard its roar.  Jas leapt out of the way of the claws and mouth of the creature.  Another leap and she was on its back, driving the saber down.

It collapsed to the ground in a heap.  Dead.  She stepped off of the carcass and wiped the back of her hand over her brow.  She sighed as she looked at the two fallen beasts.  All that time spent avoiding them--and bloodshed--and now at the end of the journey, it seemed inevitable.

Beyond the trees reaching up into the sky, there was a great roar.  A beast larger than any she had felt was enraged--and it was coming this way.

“You killed her children,”  Satele said, stepping out of the cave behind her.  “She will devour you as revenge.”

“What hope do you have to escape such raw fury?”  Marr joined her, his translucent form hovering just near Satele.

Jas glanced at the weapon in her hand.  She could feel the power flowing through it.  It was as if it were connected to her arm, channeling energy through it and through all her limbs.

She had felt it before.

With a flick of her wrist, the blade deactivated and she dropped it to the ground.

“There is no emotion, there is peace.”

She emptied her mind of the anger.  The anger she had for Satele and Marr and their puppet master.  The anger she still clung to over the creation of this Alliance and the assumption that she would be its leader.

“There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.”

It was true, Zakuul used the Force in a new and different way.  Odessen was a planet of perfect balance.  She would use this new information and take it with her.  She would gain strength in the knowledge--as would her allies.

“There is no passion, there is serenity.”

She knew she had to let go of her hate.  It was so hard because every fiber of her being loathed Vitiate.  For everything he had done, for everything he would do.  For what he had done personally to her, and to the rest of the galaxy.  How he had used her friends and people she respected in his manipulations.  Jas closed her eyes and let out a deep, calming breath.  She stood on the tight rope and vowed to no longer let such passion guide her actions.  She was an imperfect being existing in perfect balance.  Her hatred could no longer lead her around.  She wouldn’t let it.

“There is no chaos, there is harmony.”

It was so obvious now.  Their Alliance should not have happened, but against all odds, it did.  The Republic, the Sith, the Voss, a Hutt, and smugglers all working together towards a common goal.  Vitiate was wrong.  The galaxy was united under her banner.

“There is no death, there is the Force.”

Her eyes opened for what seemed like the first time in over five years.  The great beast was in front of her.  Standing on two legs, it was easily over four meters in height.  It had a great horned head, similar to the other, smaller creatures.  It had large jaws with teeth that looked like pikes and it roared loud at awful at the small Jedi in its path.

Jas stood still, calm.  She reached out ribbons of energy: compassion, sorrow, and remorse.  She had murdered the creature's offspring in her rage and nothing she could do would ever be able to make up for that.  Jas could never imagine what it would be like to lose a child, but she realized, she knew someone who would.  Would Senya really let her kill Arcann, and then Vaylin?

The rage faded, replaced by mourning.  The beast dropped down onto all fours and skulked back into the trees.

“Escape isn’t always possible,”  she said, her hand dropping back to her side.  “If you accept that death has no power over you, it stops being your enemy.”

Death, she realized, wasn’t the release she was looking for.  There was no death.

There was a hum of fascination from Satele.  “Some believe you’re destined to walk this path.  Others think you make the choices that decide their fates.”

“Your Alliance will collapse if you do not know yourself and the ideal you serve.  Do you understand?”

Jas turned around and faced them.  Her face was impassive, but thoughtful.  Again, she reached her hand out, but this time she called the new saber to her.  It floated just above her hand and began to disassemble.  One by one, the components fell to the ground, including the crystal.

“So many times I’ve been told what my destiny was.  And they were all wrong.  My will?  It is thwarted at every turn.  All I have left is who I am.”  Her eyes stared at Satele Shan, if that was even her standing there.  “I am a Jedi.  Maybe it won’t be enough to defeat Arcann.  Maybe I’m not enough.  But maybe together, we are.”

She didn’t mean Satele and Marr or the “help” they had offered.  Her eyes glanced back towards the spires of the stone and metal structure behind them.  The cave had let out just a few minutes walk away from the base--from home.

It was hard to read the pair of them, but Satele looked at Marr and said plainly,  “The Force draws us elsewhere.”

“The exile on Odessen is over,”  he responded.

  


 

As she entered the Alliance base, she felt different.  It occurred to her that Vitiate’s lingering presence was still absent.  She didn’t think him truly gone, for he had likely been the apparitions she had met in the forest, but it was nice to not have him yammering away for awhile.  She nodded at the people she came across who all seemed surprised to see her acknowledge them.

That certainly made her feel a little guilty.

Back in the command center, somehow they were all still bickering about the same mission.  They didn’t even turn as she walked in.  She knew they were busy, but surely someone had noticed that she had been missing.

“Nice welcome.  I certainly feel loved.”

Lana turned, a scowl set on her face.  “Where the blazes have you been?”

Jas smirked, a small laugh escaping.  “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t have to tell us.”  Lana gave her a second look, something a bit more discerning.  “You seem… different.”

Her smile grew slightly, but what was happening on the comm pulled Lana away from making anymore observations.  It seemed the op on the Spire wasn’t going as planned.  Jorgan was in trouble.  Kaliyo, always one to defy any order, was already on her way.  It wasn’t like any of them in the command center would be able to stop her.

“Kaliyo,”  Jas started, again surprising everyone.  “Take care of our people, and yourself.”

The comm went silent.  There would be no way to know how the mission fared until someone made contact.  It was down to waiting.  Theron came up and barely grazed her elbow with his fingers, guiding her away from the crowd.

“Are you okay?  What Lana asked you earlier, that was totally out of line.”

“Theron, why didn’t you come looking for me?”  She wasn’t upset, but rather confused.  She knew he would move heaven and earth to take care of her and she worried after him when she didn’t see shuttles scouring the Odessen skies looking for her.

“We were kind of busy here--”  He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I was gone for two days, surely you noticed?”

His head snapped back to her and his brows pinched together.  He lifted a hand to her forehead and then her cheek, as if testing her for a fever.  “Are you feeling alright?  Get bit by something nasty out in the forest?”

“What?”

He pulled her farther away from the bustle of the command center, behind a crate and pulled her in close.  “Babe, it’s been barely two hours since you left,”  he whispered, his lips just near the cone of her ear.

She let out a small gasp and pulled away, but then shrugged her shoulders slightly and nodded.  “I suppose that gives a bit more credence to it all having been a ploy.”

“Ploy?  What happened?”

She reached out and squeezed his arm.  “I want to tell you everything--Lana, too, later.  Just come find me as soon as you can.”

Theron pulled her close again and pressed his lips to the top of her head.  “Soon,”  he promised.

  


 

The story that Jas had told was such a whopper, if it had been anyone else, Theron would have called them on it.  Lana was fascinated by the tale--the idea of Darth Marr lingering on in the Force and seeking knowledge with Satele Shan.

“So she’s been here this whole time, just hiding out in the forest?”  Theron gripped his glass in his hand and took another quick drink of the amber liquid.  Not he had been in any way close to either of his parents, it would have been nice to know.  It would have been nice to have the help of another powerful Jedi.

“I don’t think it was really her, Theron.  I think the entire thing was a vision cooked up by Vitiate to convince me to embrace his way of thinking.  Embrace his power and his plans for the Eternal Throne.”

“It seems his plan backfired,”  Lana said.  She had a satisfied smirk on her face that Theron didn’t quite understand.

“How did it backfire exactly?”

“He told me the only way to defeat Arcann was to abandon Jedi ideals.  So, I’m going to prove him wrong.”  Jas had a grin on her face as she lifted her glass in toast.

Lana chuckled and clinked her glass to Jas’ before taking a drink.  “Spite is a very powerful motivator.”

Theron leaned forward in his seat and sloshed his drink around thoughtfully for a moment.  While he was relieved and overjoyed that Jas had finally seemed to break through a wall and find some of the confidence she had lost, he wondered what recommitting herself to Jedi “ideals” meant for their… relationship.  Forever and a day ago, they had a conversation about duty and, at the time, they both agreed that their obligations would always come first.  She would always be a Jedi and he would always serve the Republic.

Theron had changed.  He’d drop everything--the Alliance, the war--if she wanted to pack up and leave.  His small glass of brandy didn’t feel like enough.  He realized he didn’t want to go back to playing second fiddle to the Jedi--an Order that had all but ceased to exist.

“You okay, Theron?”  And then she was looking at him with those big eyes and the flush on her cheeks from the liquor.  Her hand reached under the table and curled around his knee and she grinned at him when he shifted slightly in his seat.

“Yeah, just beat.  Think I might turn in early.”

“Me, too.  I’m exhausted.”

“Uh-huh.”  Lana lifted her glass back to her lips as the two of them got out of their seats and headed out of the cantina.  Theron shot her a look over his shoulder, but she just rolled her eyes at him.

“Theron?”  Jas paused outside the door to her room as he walked further down the corridor.

“I, uh, I was going to go collapse on my bed.”  Oh, boy.  This was going to be awkward.  “I thought you might want to meditate, or something.”

“I thought you said you put your room on the vacant list?  That it was silly to keep it empty when we had people who still didn’t have quarters?”

“Oh.  Right.”  He had actually forgot that he did that.  All of his stuff was in ~~her~~ their room.  Awkwardly, he stepped back towards the door and followed her into the room.  He nearly ran into her as she had stopped just a few steps in and turned around to face him.

She was smiling as she reached out to brace him from falling into her and then slipped her arms up around his neck.  “I forgot what it was like to see you flustered.  Though, I can’t figure out why.  You don’t want to stay here anymore?”

“I do, more than anything.”  His hands found the curve of her hips and his head dropped down and rested on her shoulder.  He confessed,  “I’m being selfish.”

There was a soft chuckle as her hand ran through his hair.  “You are the least selfish person I know.  You saved me from myself.  You let me grieve and heal in the way that I needed to, regardless of what it meant for you or anyone else on this planet.  I was the one who was selfish.”

She kissed his cheek and then the corner of his lips.  He lifted his head and let her plant her lips on his.  Slow, tender, savoring every taste.  “I don’t want to make you choose,”  he said finally after she had pulled away.

“Theron, I chose a long time ago.  Satele, Marr, whoever they were, they were right about one thing.  I’ve already broadened my understanding beyond many Jedi teachings.  Lana and Sana-Rae are both my confidants in the Force.  And you--you are the most important thing in my life.”

Theron wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again.  “So if I just decided I was okay with Arcann as Emperor of the galaxy?”

She smiled against him and said,  “I would try to talk you out of it, but if you left this fight, I would follow you.”

“Guess we’re both stuck together.”

Another laugh and a nod and her hands went to work pushing his jacket off his shoulders and pulling at his clothes.  As he ran his hands over her to find the buckles on her tunic, his fingers brushed over a pocket and a strange bulge  “What’s this?”  He dug inside and pulled out a chain with a locket.

Jas gasped and her eyes widened at the object.  “I took that from--I completely forgot about it.”

When he pressed the button, he was greeted with the image of himself.  A much, much younger version of himself.

“Satele had it in her ship.”  Her hands were on her head and suddenly they were both questioning her account of the events in the forest.  Jas was convinced it had all been fabricated, but then how did she get this physical object?

“Hey, hey.”  He dropped the locket to the floor and gathered her back in his arms before all the progress she had made came undone.  “Real or not, they were still trying to manipulate you.   _You_ made the decision to stay true to who you are.”

“I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here, Theron,”  she said quietly, her voice nearly choked with emotion.

“Be incredibly frustrated sexually,”  he quipped, and she laughed.  Of all the skills he possessed, pulling her back from the torment was his favorite.  Though they hadn’t said it in so many words, she was his and he was hers.  “You and me, right?  We’re a team.”

“You and me.”

**Author's Note:**

> This ended up way longer than I thought it was going to be. The majority of Valkorion, Satele, and Marr's dialogue was from in-game, though I did cut it down a bit. I always saw this chapter as kind of the turning point for my Jedi, where she decided to stop letting Valkorion push her around.


End file.
